I delayed posting this becuase I did not want to add it with out pictures of the smiles that warmed my heart on this special day:
I woke up today not knowing what to expect. I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy day. An anniversary of the passing of a loved one is never easy. One year ago today Todd lost his year and a half battle with cancer. He was the Ying to my Yang. We had our fare share of ups and downs, but I wouldn’t have traded any of it for the world. I’m starting to look back at my life and the people who have crossed my path and the experiences I have had and I am beginning to see how my life is unfolding and preparing me for the things to come.
I wanted to go into today thinking of only the positive things, happy memories I was able to share with Todd. I knew there would be moments of sadness that would creep into my mind, but for the most part I was able to stay positive. I got some encouraging emails from a few friends that made me cry sad and happy tears at the same time. For those of you who knew Todd he had a special place in his heart for children, and they adored him in return. Being in Haiti it is easy to pass a day away by spending it with a child. I was able to spend the afternoon and dinner with Dialove, the little girl I wrote about in Barbie Dolls and Little Girls. It seemed like the perfect way to spend today in memory of Todd.
My Kreole has improved since I saw her last and I was able to have more of a conversation with her this time. When we returned to the property, I gave her the coloring book and Barbies that were given to me by friends. We colored together along with a few of the girls in the team. Dialove helped us to learn our colors in Kreole; she’s a great teacher! She loved her new Barbie’s and set them up in front of us on the table while we colored with a huge smile on her face. As we sat at the table and played I remembered the other significance of today, it is Bailee’s seventh Birthday! How special that on her birthday another little girl is able to share her joy because of her selflessness!
There is a trampoline on the property we are staying at, dialove and I jumped and laughed like little kids. I would jump and Dialove would lose her balance, falling down giggling. I was smiling so much my cheeks hurt, such an amazing feeling. After dinner, we ended the night by making silly faces and taking pictures of ourselves.
There is not a road that goes to her house you can drive down. So in the dark, from the main road here in Bohoc, I carried her home and she fell asleep in my arms. I could not have had more peace in my heart that I am exactly where I should be.
Tonight as I was looking up at the stars, it was cold and windy. For a minute I closed my eyes and could almost hear the crashing waves of Lake Ontario where I spent my summers with friends and falling in love with Todd. I miss him dearly and it still hurts, but he taught me one of the most important lessons of life; life itself. Life is so precious and we never know how long we will be blessed to wake up and face another day. Today I was able to live with a smile on my face and I am thankful for that opportunity; better than that I was able to see life and excitement in the eyes of a beautiful little girl.
“Got the news on Friday mornin’, But a tear I couldn’t find
You showed me how I’m supposed to live
And now you showed me how to die
I was lost till Sunday mornin’
I woke up to face my fear
While I’m writing you this goodbye song
I found a tear
I’m gonna miss that smile
I’m gonna miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I’d do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven
‘Cause that’s right where you wanna be
I’m not crying ’cause I feel so sorry for you
I’m crying for me”
-Cryin’ For me, Toby Keith
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
“some days I fight to understand, I still believe that God knows whats best for me. I may not have all the time I want, but I got all the time I need.”
-Average Joe, Mitch Rossell (Written for Todd in the weeks soon after his passing. Written by Cassidy Lyn and Mitch Rossell)
“Out of the mouth of babes and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger.” Psalms 8:2 ESV”
“Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn’t ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you
One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I’d be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you.”
-One More Day, Diamond Rio