Two years and still too hard…

How fitting was the verse in my devotional today:

“Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing” -2 Corinthians 6:10

For those of you who know me well know that today is the two year anniversary of the passing of one of the most special people in my life. Todd and I grew up together at the lake with a group of people that are more than friends and more than family. I replay the day and week he passed away over and over in my head sometimes, wishing I could change it, somehow go back. I see him in so many things in my everyday life, something will happen that reminds me of him or I hear his voice in the morning hours during sleep and awake.

Todd and I ❤

Today as I was working at a children’s home with a team I saw Todd in the faces of the children; children who are orphans-both true orphans and orphans of poverty. Todd loved kids and I think of him often when I am working in the children’s homes here in Haiti. He had so much life ahead of him, but for whatever reason that I cannot understand, not do I think I ever will-his life was cut short.

I can’t think of a better way to have spent today than with the children watching them play on the swing set, chase each other around and wrestled like any other kid in the world. It is a beautiful world out there, and the people in it hold equal beauty-especially the children. I feel so blessed by every moment God has given me. The loss of Todd has taught be the value of each of these moment. I know that although I may be hurting today, I cannot spend too many moments filled with tears- Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing. So today I enjoyed the group, I looked for the beauty and life in each team member. I enjoyed the children and thought of the life ahead of them, how amazing they will each be. Although we may not know our purpose until this life is over, we must have faith in God and his plan; we must walk boldly down our path committing to each day as it was our last.

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do and he will establish your plans.” –Proverbs 16:3

Smiles and hugs go so far!


Posted on March 20, 2012, in 2012 and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Your friend still lives, within you and all the others he touched with the power of his unique spirit. This article you so bravely shared is evidence of that. In ways small and large, our actions echo the intentions of those from whom we learn. Todd exists in another form today. At least that is what I believe. Elements of him reside in you, his other friends, his family and those acquaintances whose lives he may have touched even for a fleeting moment. A smile he shared, a knowing glance… these gestures linger in the hearts and memories of the people he encountered. A very accomplished scientist I know once reassured me that I was correct in believing that energy never dies… rather, it lives on indefinitely, just in another form. I believe the human soul, the most precious form of energy we know. does precisely that. It continues on, ever changing its colors and shape, but true to its essence, its uniqueness. The memories of Todd are a form of energy that is everlasting. And in this way, he is and will always be very much a part of this world. One can only guess the impact he is making wherever his spirit has taken him. But I have no doubt that, somewhere out there, he is making a positive impact and leaving happiness in his wake.

    Tara, you are a marvelous person. Your dear friend helped you find the woman you were destined to become. He is still playing his special role in guiding and encouraging you. And I believe he is smiling proudly as you give yourself to brightening the lives of so many around you. These are reasons for celebration. Celebrate Todd every day… by seeking your fulfillment in whatever way is right for YOU.

    Much love from Rochester,

  2. Karen Dieringer

    Tara – sometimes only when we’ve lost someone do we realize the gift that they were to our life and the gift that we have been given to carry them with us going forward in our life. When I lost my Dad when I was 20, it was really hard – but since then, I always have this sense of comfort that he is watching over me and is with me in a way that he couldn’t be when he was alive. I’m so sorry for your loss but so glad that you are able to celebrate the gift that his life was to you in all of the things you are doing now. Love and blessings – Karen

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